Little Moments.

Oceanography final tomorrow. I am just so ready to go home.

What is easier? Pretending that it doesn’t hurt, because maybe, it just might convince me that it doesn’t.

I miss you, but there is nothing you or i can do about it.

I hate this.

So.

Much.

Gotta wake up in 5 hours.

It’s 2:30AM and I totally have to wake up in 5 hours but I just thought I’d blog a little before I go to sleep. My room, as usual, smells like shit. Why? Because of my fucking roomate who can’t help but stick her disgusting sandwiches in the fridge and stink up our entire room. Ugh!

On a lighter note, I’m keeping really busy with Dance Marathon, Spring Sing practices, Work (first day thursday!), Tri Delt stuff, I’m gonna go to NSU GM, and keeping in contact with all my friends. I just feel like if I keep busy, it’ll keep my mind off of other things.

Nathan comes home in 17 days! Which is very exciting, but I still miss him alot. Long distance is really hard and I don’t know how some people pull it off so well… I’m staying strong but I still slip alot. Sometimes I get so choked up and I can’t breathe and I want to cry but I tell my self not to, so I’m just in a state of being very hot and bothered and I just want to go home. But even home is soon going to be something non-existant as well.

My dad losing his job has not hit me yet… I’m not sure when it will, but we’re selling the house that I’ve lived in for the last 8 years of my life. I’m not sure, I guess there is really nothing I can do about it, and I hate change but I guess I am dealing with it every day.

I love making new friends, I love kind people, I love being a good person. I just don’t know what else to say. I love having a good day, I love making people laugh, I love laughing. I just wish everyday could be like that.

I bought a hat today for $7. It made me really happy (: It was right after my English Comp TA told me my essay was horrible and that my arguments had like a counterargument for every single one of them. I just smiled and said thanks. haha.

I miss alot of things and sometimes I don’t know what to do. I guess how I see it is, if they are really worth it, no matter the distance or the circumstance, they’ll come back. Or you’ll come back. And everything will be as if nothing has ever changed. I like that idea. Let’s keep it that way.

I love you so much.

Goodnight.

Dear Nathan,

I know I promised you I’m trying to be stronger,  take today, I went through a whole day without crying. Except for right now. I miss you so much. I’m starting to forget what touching you feels like. I don’t want to. I miss, when I touch your neck and I can feel your dogtag and I have this uncontrollable desire to always pull it out of your shirt and read them even though they never change. I miss it when you come to pick me up, and you’re sitting in your car and you look at me and you smile and you raise your eye brows. I miss when you put your arms around me they go straight to where my boobs are because i am so short. I miss sleeping next to you and having you kiss me and say you love me and then holding me close. I miss the way you get after you tell me how beautiful I am and then you curl up in a ball and start talking about how all these other guys are going to want me.

I was doing so great today. I really was. But I just realized how long 3 months is. And I realized how much stronger I have to be. I’m trying though, okay? I’m going to be okay. Don’t worry about me.

I love you baby,

Sara

Hey.

I miss you.

My Family

MyHeritage: Celebrity Collage – Ancestors – Blank family tree

I have a final tomorrow.

Yet, Iam making a post.

I just went to the doctors, and I have decided, I NEVER want to become a gyno.

Currently, in love with the song “Try a Little Tenderness.”  A bit obsessed, I know, ew.

AHHH, i can’t wait to go home.

This was a pointless post.

Similar to my life.

A Terrible Cough.

So I am studying for psychology! It’s nice, I feel all studious. I guess this how UCLA students have been feeling for the last 9 weeks. It’s pretty nice.

I don’t know if it’s the sad piano music I’m listening, like the Theme song to The Notebook, or me just being a typical college student, but all of a sudden I just feel lonley. I understand that it’s a normal feeling, me being a college freshman and all, but I just wish I didn’t feel so damn vulnerable all the time. You know what’s the hardest? When you want something so badly, and you know you’ll never be able to attain it. Maybe the inability to actually have it, is what’s making t he want so much stronger? Maybe in reality, it’s the chase. It’s always been the chase for me.

Blah, late night, feeling sick…

“All that I know is that I’m breathing….”

Dance Marathon!

I thought I should spam my blog as well, seeing that Dance Marathon is pretty much taking over my life…and almost 1000 UCLA students. WOOT! So, if you are reading this and it is 12/5, register before midnight to save $10! And if it is after 12/5 and you aren’t register, you still should! You just won’t save $10.

So, I’ve never felt so happy for it to be Friday! First off, drum roll please…

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I went to all my classes!  I know, epic.

I really need to study for my finals. I’m actually starting to freak out a bit.

Is it just me, or does Christmas spirit totally feel dead this year? BLAG!

Thursdays.

Today was my last LS Lecture. It’s the only class, might I add, that I have gone to every single lecture this quarter. That is something to be damn proud of. I really like professor Phelan. He is one of the most amazing public speakers and lecturers I have met. Goodness. Anyway, as I was walking back to my dorm from lunch with Chase Lyall (subject to being the most boring guy ever HAHA), some guy I passed by was having a conversation that went something like this:

“Hey Man, what have you been up to?”

“I’m dropping out, man!”

“Wait what? Why?”

“I’m moving on to bigger and better things.”

That made me a bit sad. But I guess people do that. Ah, so I miss my friends from home, and I’m fighting between this constant battle of holding on and moving on. And all the while, I haven’t gone to the gym or study for my finals! What is the point of this 22 hours of silence when no one is studying!!!! College kills me. It’s definitely harder than high school, only because you have to be able to keep yourself motivated with all these distractions.

Distractions. That is what college is ALL about. Here is what is distracting me:

1. Christmas! Oh my gosh, who isn’t distracted by this holiday. I think christmas tunes should be on full blast 24 hours a day. It’s a drug. I swear.
2. Nathan coming to visit tomorrow! I’m so excited. Forrest Gump. (:
3. This fucking blog.
4. Food. I eat all the fucking time. Oh, I thought you should know, I ordered MyPizza last night. Yeah, fuck my life.
5. My unmade bed; hopefully that’ll change, within the hour.

Oh, by the way, I absolutely hate it when people use the phrase “within the hour.” Like, “I’ll call you within the hour.” I just don’t understand, if you want to hang out, just give me a specific time to hang out, don’t give me round-a-bout answers that is within the span of “the hour.”Gross.

I’m really quite excited for tonight though. They are bringing puppies to the campus so we can pet them, to relieve stress. YAY!

I hope I study soon.

So I couldn’t resist.

Don’t hate me, but I’m starting to blog. I know, ridiculous.

So it’s 10th week. How? I don’t know. 1st quarter went by way too fast. And here I am, BLOGGING, instead of doing my extra credit OR studying for my psych final. I’m constantly wondering “What am I doing here?” But I guess there is a reason why I’m here. Because I had a bomb UC application, that’s why. haha no. But seriously, thanksgiving break, I think everyone can agree was such a tease! Now, I am in absolutely NO mood to study and would much rather vent my feelings to a public online website. Yes. How is it, that some people have such great…self-motivation? I mean, I used to, but now I’m so lazy it is pretty much ridiculous. But today was a good day. I woke up, 6:15AM (all for the love of DM), Went to 9AM class, slept for an hour, then went to Psych and was up the entire time. I know, amazing. And you know what’s the saddest part, I feel so fucking accomplished because of that. That shows you how much discipline I have at this school. I really need to go back to the old Sara. The one that actually cared. Here’s a list of things I need to do:

1. Watch the Graduate; Maybe it’ll motivate me? Maybe?
2. Make my bed; It looks like shit.
3. Clean my desk; I guess this and #2 should just be combined into CLEAN MY ROOM.
4. Do the extra credit for history or rock n roll. Really, Sara’s going to get a B in a stupid G.E.
5. Study for Finals? Ummm, hello, it’s only next week. no big.
6. Go to the gym…more. Something’s telling me that this extra weight I’ve gained is not a good thing.
7. Do I want to be a Psych major?
8. Find a job. Word.
9. Ask for donations for Dance Marathon! Argh.
10. Buy facewash…and get a new tooth brush. Hygeine!

So, I guess that’s a good deal of shit to do. Will I ever really do much of it? Eh, we’ll see. I guess I should attempt to do this extra credit. I guess.

Love.